My job was fascinating, in a weirdly academic way. It involved talking to people while building trust and a positive, helpful working relationship. Whereas the work itself was almost tedious, the surroundings were hardly so. The Army sent me to multiple locations in the Middle East, within war zones and without, as I had to obtain information responding to Big Army's tactical and strategic directives. And I had to get this valuable information from people who ranged from untrustworthy and semi-friendly to "meet-me-alone-and-I-will-have-you-killed" unfriendly. Part of the trauma (the "T" in PTSD) is the build-up, the lived experience, and the aftermath the person with PTSD experienced. I believe that in trying to decipher a person's mental state, it is paramount that we don't ignore the environments and conditions in which these traumatic experiences occurred. The most significant contributor to PTSD is the great Fear of the Unknown (FU). I realize FU stands for more than the benign-sounding connotation I just assigned to it. Feel free to apply its more traditional meaning; it won't affect the substance of what I write. Know that when nature and man combine to create it, FU is the most diabolical fear in the human experience.
Think about it. All your significant sicknesses, extreme stresses, and big life decisions always relate to life, giving you the gift of the FU. Imagine sitting at home in a COVID-19 lockdown with no return to everyday life possible, or imagine watching a horror film, desperately hoping the protagonist survives. As one would expect, the emotional investment one makes in the resultant response to these situations depends on the seriousness of the FU. The FU is the same as if you were reacting to a troubled man reaching for his gun because you just purposely rammed into his car in an Iraqi street. The cause of fear is the same! Whether one is running in a marathon or running to fight against a Taliban attack on your location, the cause of anxiety is the same: Will I make it? FU is always the reply. Always.
I'll get to my job details in later episodes. But starting with the next one, I will describe the surroundings I found myself in during my journeys. Now I don't wish to appear completely ungrateful. The vile depictions of my surroundings shall be honest, and my reporting shall be, I promise, only as disgusting as the surroundings themselves. As I write more, I shall break my living conditions down into these major categories:
Hot or Cold
Depressing
Brutal
Ghastly
These categories frequently cross-pollinated and gave birth to ridiculous living conditions. Camp Udairi (now known as Camp Buehring) has to be the worst as I nearly died there not once but four times, and I hadn't even reached my second combat zone! I remember those awful places in Afghanistan, Iraq, and Kuwait in much detail, much to my displeasure. But horrible or not, most places kept me dry, warm enough to not get frostbite, cool enough to not die from heatstroke, and safe enough to survive the night. And for those simple things, I remain grateful. You'll learn more about what I mean as you read and experience what I did - FU.
Of ocurse reading this we can have more connection to what you had been through! Thanks to your life partner managing everything with your needs. Wishing you be more helpful to all that are suffering with known or unknown PTSD type mental problems.